Ever since I answered the last question, I am happy to say that I was bombarded with even more questions! I guess now would be an appropriate time to go back and answer them.. and I also adore the little names you give yourselves.. it makes me feel like a real advice columnist :) Here we go :
Q: So I met this girl at a party and we had a ton of fun, and she called the the day after to talk to me and ask if I wanted to hang out some time. When I met her at the place that she wanted us to meet at, she was not only late but she was with another guy. What gives? - One Night Stand? via email
JAAG: I guess now we know why our parents are so overprotective of us and talking to strangers...
But all joking aside, now you know not to pursue her, because it's just a waste of your time. These are what we like to note as "party hookups" which 95% of the time are just based on sheer highs of fiction and the so called love you thought you shared during that night. Sorry to burst your bubble, but even if you felt like she was the one, she only viewed you as a one night stand.
On the brighter side of things, now you know what you are looking for in a relationship, and what type of girls are worth your time. Obviously this one wasn't, so go find one that will love you back completely.
Q: There is a boy that works at Starbucks that I think is really cute, but I have absolutely no guts to go up and talk to him! Just giving him my order is traumatizing enough! I have a hunch that he is flirting with me too.. but I will never know for sure. What should I do? - Falling for Starbucks, via email
JAAG: I must admit, I laughed a little when I read this because it's so cute! I wish all Starbucks workers were cute, then us girls would all be happy :)
I think you should make an effort to conquer your fear of talking to this boy without stumbling. If what you suspect is true and he is flirting with you, be fearless! Comment on something small first, like the weather or maybe the Starbucks special for the week. Ask his opinion on what reccommends... and suddenly, you find yourself having a smooth conversation with the boy of your dreams.
Q: My girlfriend and I have been dating for only 2 months, but suddenly I feel like things are really boring. What can I do to make things better? - 2 months 2 soon, via Twitter
JAAG: Ask yourself this: Why does it feel like to you that things are "Boring"? If you can answer that, then ask yourself this: Do you really want to continue this relationship, or is this something that you feel that it should end? Would you work hard enough to make things work out for the two of you?
If you want to make things work, then try and do something special for not just you but for her as well: do something spontaneous. Instead of the standard movie and dinner date, set up a picnic in the park or moonlit walk on the beach. Do something daring and different that tells her, "Hey, you're special and I want to share these memories with you."
On the other hand, if you feel like this is too much for you and it's time to pull the plug, then I say sooner than later. Don't lead her on, but don't full out ignore her either to prove a point. Make it a point to talk to her privately to explain how you feel. Tell her that things aren't working out but try not to put the blame on her for this uneventful relationship. Either way, hopefully this works out for you and her!
Q: I broke up with this guy last year, and things have been pretty rocky between us. Now we are back on speaking terms, but I heard from a couple people that he likes me still and wants to get back together with me. The only thing I want from him is to stay friends now that normal has returned. I'm not interested in him anymore like that. What should I do to tell him how I feel? - Not Interested, via email
JAAG: Again I say, better sooner than later. He needs to know how you feel, and he needs to hear it from you and not your friend or his friend or through the rumour mill. Tell him the truth, but keep it concise and to the point. "I want to focus on being friends with you now" is better than "I'm not interested in dating you right now because I want to focus on other things." Obviously no one has the right to force you into liking this guy, but you want to make it known to him that the only thing holding you back from starting a relationship with him is not external influence, but something within you.
Q: I broke up with my girlfriend because I found that she was too clingy. Lately I have found that I'm missing her more. What gives? - Bipolar Dater, via Twitter
JAAG: In my eyes, I see two different types of break ups: the "It's not you, it's me" break up and the "You cheated on me, you selfish idiot" break up. Your break up is probably the first one, which is common.
Usually when a person breaks up with another for the first reason (it's not you, it's me), they will find that now that they are single, the person that they broke up with seems more attractive, and all of a sudden you miss the idea of being in a relationship in general. So maybe it's not really the fact that you miss her, its the idea of you being in a relationship that you miss. This is understandable, but it doesn't to happen to everyone. For example, one time I broke up with someone and I missed the idea of being in a relationship, and I missed the guy. Another time I broke up with someone and after the break up, I felt more liberated than ever before. Different people leave different impressions on their once significant others.
The other break up leads one to feel totally liberated that they aren't with the selfish person holding them down from living their life the way they want to. In that circumstance, no one is really missed. Well, maybe the one that cheated will realize how wrong they were in the end...
In conclusion, you broke up with her for a reason. That's totally understandable. Now your task is this: 1) don't get a rebound, because its not fair to that person; and 2) don't be inconsistent. Sure, you could still be friends with this girl, but if you find that you are flirting with her and sending her texts like you did in the past to lead her on, STOP. It's not fair to her. This isn't to say that maybe somewhere down the road you will both be given a second chance.. but I think you should both cool down from this relationship before either of you go find another potential soulmate.. or get back together with each other.
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oh, and one other question that I found totally random and totally unrelated to questions that I usually see in m inbox...
Q: JAAG, are you bi? - Just Curious, via Twitter
JAAG: *tries to stop laughing*
Ahem.
Well, no. I have friends that are both guys and girls. I am romantically attracted to guys, and I never really have been romantically attracted to girls. Of course, girls seem to act more bi than guys. I love hugs and yes, I tend to use the word "love" a lot.. but yeah. I have nothing against people with that orientation, but I don't personally feel that way for girls.
My question is, why the curiousity? :P
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Anyways, there are some questions for you to pore over. Enjoy the spring break while it lasts, its creeping up on us and its going to come to a close real soon unfortunately..
STAY OUTA TROUBLE AND DON'T FORGET TO SMILE! Here is some music for you to listen to...
love and such,
rachelrae xx
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