The world is certainly changing, sometimes faster than I myself can keep up with.
It's sometimes scary to know that you thought you had everything thought out. You once had a decent plan for things, and for a while, the fantasy I lived in was a dream come true.
But eventually you wake up from the fantasy and realize things aren't always what they seem. It happens to us all the time, and as much as we wish that things won't change and that we will remain as innocent human beings with a thirst for adventure and imagination, we grow up. We mature. We move on.
Love is one of those things. Love is an illusion: one moment you are on top of the world. The next thing you know you have been knocked down by all your wants and dreams. The mirror which once stared back at you has been shattered, just like your heart, metaphorically.
Once upon a time, it was me and him, him and I. Nothing could stop us. He made my dreams come true a couple months ago, during a time when I knew that the last thing I needed was a relationship.
Things change, and people change. The things we do for love are so many.
So I fell. I fell faster than I ever fell before, maybe because I was hurting from the last time, maybe because I wanted something new, maybe because I was young and crazy. I still am by the way, but I'm older now that I have found the other side of him.
We had our whirlwind romance. He was my knight of shining armour. But eventually even the fabric began to fade, and all I am left with is a bunch of used-to-be's and a faded fabric. Life became confusing and saddening, all because I realized that this is not where I'm meant to be.
I don't regret anything, I said. I told him that maybe things were moving too fast and now, all I needed was to focus on getting better, to be a better friend, and to get things sorted out.
He said fine. I love you. Hopefully we can stay friends.
BUT YOU CHANGED AFTER THAT. You became different from what I remember you to be. You aren't the guy I fell for last summer. You are DIFFERENT.
Now all of a sudden, the friends I thought I knew have nothing to say to me. They want nothing to do with me. I haven't spoken to some of them in ages, and it's all too ironic considering the timeline of events.
Did you even think twice before clicking the 'X' in the top right hand corner of the conversation window when I asked you why? Did you realize how much it hurt me to see that you sign off everytime I sign on?
If this is what you want, if this is what you truly mean by "you loving me" and "wanting to remain friends", then you can keep it. I'm not one for toxic relationships. I can only deal with so much, I can only tolerate so far, so you can forget about keeping me as a friend.
If you didn't like me in the first place, all you had to do was say so. You didn't have to become the president of the hate club.
But you know what? Life is too short to live in the pretense that everyone hates you. You can't go around pleasing everyone. You can try, but it gets tiring after a while. Live your life honestly, live righteously, and you'll have a halo that no one can ignore. Just be the best you can be, and people will see that they should have listened to your side of the story in the first place.
That's my little soapbox right there.
So now, I'm going to move on. I don't need you to dictate how I live my life or how to enjoy it. I have better things to do.
Please pray with me for the little 2 year old girl from the Midwest in the States. The Midwest area recently suffered extensive tornado damage. This little girl was found very far away from her home in an empty field. She is currently in critical condition, but her parents, older brother and sister are all dead. She has no family in the area left to return to, so please pray for her so that she gets better soon and for the repose of her family's souls. May they, and all others who have died rest in peace.
Stay out of trouble and don't forget to smile. You only have one life, so live it up to its full worth and potential.
love and such,
rachelrae
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