Well, first off, I believe this is the first post of the new year, is it not? HAPPY 2012 EVERYONE!
Sorry I haven't written in so long... coming back from Christmas vacation I was expecting a lot of catch up.. but opening up my email I never would have expected close to 4 whole pages of new questions!
So let's go through these, see how many we can go through, shall we? ;)
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1) How far is too far with my girlfriend? She wants to go all the way, and I want to too, but I don't want to regret anything. - via email
JAAG: Firstly, if you are asking that question with hesitation, this shows that even you yourself don't really know what you want out of this relationship. If you really loved her and you really did want to go all the way with her, then you wouldn't have second thoughts about doing something that you regret because you know she is the one. Of course, with us adolecents being at such a young age, it's hard to know whether or not we really did find true love. 8 times out of 10, the love you find in high school won't be the one you end up walking down the aisle with 10, 15 years into the future.
Secondly, if you are having doubts, I think you should talk to her about it. Please remember, though: what you are wanting to do is something permanent and cannot be erased. The best protection against a future that you may not be ready for is to not do anything at all and wait. That is my personal moral view on this. of course, I can't stop you from doing what you want, but seriously: if you have doubts, you might need to go back to the drawing board to see what's up. You could save yourself from a potential heartbreak if you find the source immediately.
2) JAAG, there is this guy that I have like forever, but he never liked me back. Now, there is this new girl in my grade, and two weeks in she is already making out with the guy of my dreams. Is he just a jerk or am I just too in love with him to see his flaws? - via email
JAAG: you do realize that both of your questions at the end of your email there both mean the same thing, right? ;) But that's not the point, I guess...
Well, let me be the first to tell you that I have also felt that jealousy too. This is a guy that you have dreamed of dating, the perfect prince to be part of your perfect fairytale. But maybe you have been so busy fantasizing the endless possibilities on how he could sweep you off yoru feet when you should be focussing on the fact that he likes to discriminate against people who are not on the basketball team. If you yourself are a strong believer of anti-bullying, then this should be a big warning sign telling you to drop the crush because he is a jerk. I don't want to make efalse accusations about the girl, either, but it seems to me like they are pretty happy with each other, maybe because they are both jerks themselves (too late :P) any how, MOVE ON. You'll be happier, I promise, when you find someone that likes you back for who you are.
3) I want to introduce my girlfriend to my parents, but everytime I have a free date, she comes up with an excuse. The first couple times, I got that she had a dentist appointment or had to go visit her grandmother in the hospital, but tutoring her sister? She doesn't have a sister! What does all this mean? - via email
JAAG: My mother gave me one important advice when I first told her about my first crush: "When things get really serious, bring him home. If he genuinely wants to meet us, then you can see how much he wants to be a part of your life. However, if he is avoiding the topic of family altogether, then that should be a red flag right there."
OKAY. So she is avoiding the topic of, 'hey, I want you to meet my family..' with absolutely terrible ninja skills. Here's the thing: maybe she is just nervous (that is the absolute weakest benefit of the doubt right there). So ask her. Ask her why she is avoiding this topic (you can start along the lines of, 'I know for a fact that you don't have a sister to tutor...) and gage her response. If you can tell that she is bluffing, maybe you should set up a time for the two of you to understand each other a little more. Ask her why she is doing this to you. Of course, this could lead to a) her telling you that she is sorry for lying, she's actually quite scared of meeting your parents, and you guys will go on saturday; or b) you find out that she has been cheating on you.
From one extreme to another, that's how it will play out. I must say though, unfortunately, option b) is the more likely one. Usually people coming up with lame excuses to avoid something usually means that something is up. Check out the situation, and best of luck!
4) there is this girl that is terribly desperate. she is constantly throwing herself at me and trying to draw all attention to herself. I don't really like her (correction: not at all). how can I politely decline her? - via email
JAAG: This is a tricky situation. How ironic though, for me to be listening to David Archuleta's 'Desperate' on my Windows Media Player while writing this answer out for this question... hmm...
Well, if you genuinely don't like her, I don't think that it is fair for either of you to be in an awkward situation. Go talk to her in private. Tell her, 'Hey, I think you're a nice girl and everything, but I think we would be better off friends.' That will tell her, somewhat indirectly, that you don't share the same feelings for her as she does. But please, don't do this in front of her friends. Catch her alone, make straight eye contact with her, and avoid anything like a hug of consolation or even touching her hand/shoulder, etc. Your words will hit her, but any unnecessary touch to her will lead her to believe that you are lying to her and that now, she should try harder. Make your intent clear, keep your hands in your pockets, and speak with a polite but firm voice. Good luck!
5) My mom doesn't understand my boyfriend. He is really into all the punk music and dresses in all black leather and studs. She thinks that he is a gangster, when really he is the type that wouldn't hurt a fly. How can I convince her to give him a chance? - via email
JAAG: The best way would be to convince both your mom and your boyfriend that you should all have dinner together. Invite him over, and tell your mom that he really wants to meet her. If this is all successful, then when the conversation starts, try to steer clear of the topic of his clothes or taste of music off to the side for later when both your boyfriend and your mom are warmed up. If the topics ever do come up (which you should prep your boyfriend about), stay calm and don't start hallucinating. Let your boyfriend handle this and just watch from the sidelines. Hopefully your cutie will be able to help your mom see a different side of him!
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The snow has returned, somewhat. Life is also somewhat back to normal.
My @JAAG twitter got an @reply the other day: @JAAG how is everything doing with your beau?
And here is my response to that: Things are okay. They aren't the best, but things will get better. I learned this from listening to Matthew Morrison's "Still Got Tonight" : "It's gonna get much harder / before it gets better baby that's for sure.."
I think with anything, there has got to be a low point somewhere before you realize how special what you have is. Like anything, you don't realize what you got until it's gone.
So yeah.
Anyhoo, thisis me answering five more of your ever so complex questions. Keep sending them in and hopefully I'll get to them one day :) Also, Rest in Peace Tessa. You are greatly loved and will be missed.
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE AND DON'T FORGET TO SMILE. You are all the reason that I still can manage my sanity with all your crazy questions.. ;)
love etc,
rachelrae xx
